I love to sit in coffee shops. I could chill in a coffee shop just about all day-every day for the people watching opportunities, smells, and atmosphere. I also actually feel like a get something accomplished when I sit down here. At home I will sit on my computer and end up thirty minutes later wondering what I have been doing on the internet all that time (facebooking and youtubing...). Here I have already read some news, started a new blog post, and looked up some new music. In a place where I should be more distracted, I tend to have more focus. *like*! I'm sitting in OB today because I really need to re-focus my energies on what my plan is for the next few years. When/where am I going back to school, and what program do I want to go back for? I think that it's going to have to do something with biology, conservation, ecology, teaching, invasive species, etc. But how will all these elements combine for my ideal place in life? The sermons in church and discussions in life group lately have had a lot of focus on what God's purpose for my life is, what my "vehicle" to do God's work will be. Well, I am still not certain of my purpose, and it stresses me out to be unsure and indecisive about what I want to do. Is God waiting until the right time to show me what is next, or is my fear keeping me from seeing what He wants me to see? I am not sure. And I also do not know if San Diego was a step in the forward direction, although it was a step, and that is definitely better than nothing. I have met great people here already who have challenged me, and every day brings something new.
Last night I finished The Alchemist, a book about a young man who goes on a quest for his "Personal Legend" and manages to succeed through his own determination and the help of a few particular people. The author brings up the fact that most people go through life ignoring the call of their personal legend or give up too easily and so always feel incomplete or bitter because their goal was not accomplished. Or they believe in the dream that someday they will accomplish that goal, and never actually do anything for fear that life will be less interesting without that dream always in their head. What am I putting on the back burner in my life that I should be doing now? To what am I saying, "oh, I'll have time to do that later." "One day I'll have more money and resources and will do it then." "I've achieved these goals, and so I can wait before I attempt this other goal that might be taxing or end up in failure." The fear of failure is definitely real and crippling. It is much easier to try for something small and succeed, than to try for something bigger/harder where failure is more possible. I want to break past any such fears so I can "go big or go home" in life. :). Why not? Life is short, and I may not be here as long as I'd like. No more excuses from me!